16 September 2010

Scream Out Loud

You know those days when the hours just fly by, and the sun is shining, and you're in the best mood ever? Those days when it seems like the world could end and you'd still be smiling?

Well, today was not one of those days.

Today, every minute was a lifetime. Today, the tiniest little things made me clench my fists and dig my nails into the skin on my palms.

Today I need to scream. out. loud.

I've hooked myself up to my "Chill Out, Girl, And Stop Wrecking the Skin On Your Palms" playlist. I ate dinner in a hurry and excused myself back to my room so I wouldn't snap at one of my parents and get in trouble. My door is shut, the utterly obnoxious sound of NPR's Marketplace constrained from entering my oasis of Enya and crickets and rain. (Seriously, even on a good day that show makes me want to scream!)

But all my frustration (frustration over nothing, really) and my anger (directed at whom? at what? I couldn't tell you) is still bottled up tight and corked with taut shoulders and a headache. It's not enough to actlookpretend to be calm and happy.

I need to scream. out. loud.

For the benefit of everyone else in the house, and probably the neighbors too (I'm a loud screamer) I need to scream. out. loud. into a pillow.

And then I need to set down the pillow and smash my face into its linen-smelling, pillowy goodness and pray.

And breathe.

And writewritewrite until my palms are smooth again.

And then maybe scream some more.

Yes, it's supposed to be blurry.
(The book I plan on writewritewriting after this post is a new one — realistic fiction with an odd sort of writing style that could only be Olive Tree. In case you were wondering. No, I won't tell you what it's about. Not yet, at least.)

PS: The giveaway is closed: Winners will be announced on Friday.


  1. Wow... it's great that you can actually write something when you're angry. Besides having a cruddy day, you can actually also do something.

  2. awww... yeah, trust me, I know what these days are like. I hope tomorrow is better!
    Great picture by the way lol *wink*


  3. oh, THOSE days. =) yep!! know those ones. idk if you're into Flyleaf or Skillet type music, but when i'm in a screamo mood, Flyleaf's song "I'm So Sick" and Skillet's song "Monster" are pretty appealing. =) (it is screamo music, by the way)

    idk if it'll actually HELP your mood...but for me personally i like screaming music instead of just plain screaming. =D

    hope tomorrow is one of the good days!!

    ~ Joy

  4. Oh, I'm sorry, Olive Tree! We all have those days. :( In fact, today was kind of one of those days for me as well. I got up at 5:30 am this morning, and I have been out of the house the whole day until now. I know the feeling. :)

    Can't wait to here who won!

    Love you!

    Elizabeth Rose

  5. I had a day like that today. I got a massive headache and I wanted to scream at all of my friends to stop talking to me. I had a weird day at school. In Pre-Algebra, I took a quiz, then we put tape on the floor for an hour. I mean what school does that?!

  6. Oh Olive Tree, I'm sorry. I hope you feel better, it is never fun to have a bad day. I know what you mean too, I have those kinds of days as well. Today though, I was just neutral, nothing too good, nothing too bad. But I also have those days where I just want to crycrycry or screamscreamscream. Uhhh so much drama in my school, it's horrible. And it's only between the girls, I wish all the girls could get along how the boys get along with each other. *sigh* Well, hope you feel better (again).

    P.S. I can't wait to hear the results of the contest! :D

  7. What you experienced is a steroids version of what I feel like right now!! Life remains good, though.

  8. I'm sorry you had such a bad day. :( I've definitely had one of those days.

    But actually, I really liked this post. It gave great insight into how sometimes the world makes us feel utterly crazy and insane inside..

    ~Liz B

  9. I get like that sometimes too. One of the best ways to deal with frustration and pent up anger (which isn't directed at anyone for me either) is to go for a walk or run. At least thirty minutes. You will be much calmer afterward. Hope you feel better soon.

  10. Pray hard, harder than hard. And read the Bible. Proverbs is a good place to start.


  11. I HATE days like that with a passion...they are the worst.

  12. Aww, I will pray for you, Olive Tree.I have felt that way before, and it is AWFUL. The thing that helps me most, is to write down all my angry thoughts, and then sak them in water, rip them to shreds, and fush them down the toilet, when I am done being angry. It usually works.

    In Christ,


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