09 February 2011

I Believe in Change

Confession: I am the worst at decisions. Honestly. I hate them.

You see, right now I want to be a journalist. That is my most likely career, I'd be good at it, I'd like it. In all probability that is what I will end up doing with my life.

But I can't help but thinking...
It would be so fun to be, say, editor of Vogue.
Maybe I should pursue acting as a career.
I would love model full-time.
What about photography as a career?
"Novelist" has a nice ring to it.

I was chatting via Gmail with my extremely close friend Sally a couple days ago...

4:17 PM me: i wanna be one of the chicks in NYC who just strut around in 6" heels all day
  that is totally my future
  plus being editor of Vogue ;)
 Sally: i swear, your plans for the future change every day.
 me: well
4:18 PM yes...
  right now i want to live in NYC.
  or London.
  or Paris.
  Or Toronto.
  Or even Boston!
  cites = <3 for me right now.
 Sally: see, i like it here
 me: crazy sally
  no fun stuff happens in Maine
 Sally: but i liiike it
4:19 PM but then again i'm the person who hates change
4:20 PM me: ahhh that is no fun
  i love change
  i AM change
  change is wonderful
 Sally: and i'd be content to just trundle along the same old path
4:21 PM me: ahh

Oh, Sally. You never fail to make me smile.

But she brought up a really good point. "Your plans for the future change every day."

Yeah, they do. It's actually a really big problem. It's something I worry about a lot.

It runs in the family. I was talking about this with my mom; in our family we have this problem where we are good at too much. We have too many talents. We can never pick just one to focus on.
Plus we love to travel so we have issues settling down.

me: i'm worried i'll get restless
  never have a real job because I will never stay in one place
  it's actually one of my big gut-wrenching worries
4:27 PM Sally: yeah...i can see that. see, i won't get bored just doing the same things every day, but u certainly would
 me: I WILL NEVER BE SUCESSFUL......... :'(
4:28 PM Sally: you will be perfectly fine
 me: when i am homeless on the streets i am going to call you and say "I TOLD YOU SO"Sally: you can come live with me and I can get you back on your feet again
4:30 PM me: well sure
  but what if I smell bad?

I'm not sure why this amuses me so much, but it really does. All that and the only thing I come up with is "What if I smell bad?"
Sometimes I wonder about myself.

Anyway, that's my predicament. My answer for myself is thus:

Olivia, be a journalist. If somehow you get "discovered" as an actress or photographer or novelist, then excellent. But be a journalist. Act on the side. Write novels in your spare time. Take pretty pictures once in a while. Maybe an opening will come up to work at Vogue, and that would be fun. But be a journalist. Please.

I'm forcing myself to choose. I can't be all over the place. Decisions, decisions... oh, I despise decisions.

Anyone have any good ideas for focusing yourself? 

Or how Olivia can be a journalist, editor of Vogue, travel gypsy, full-time model, actress, and photographer all at once?


  1. Ahhh. True dat. Don't force yourself to be a journalist though. You've still got a few years to make your decisions after all. :)

  2. well, I'd have to say I agree with you on this one. Staying in one places is not in me. I've been looking for something that I can do as a living that will follow me wherever I happen to be at the moment.

    And yes, Change Is Good.

  3. How can you not be successful? You're blessed with a lot of talents and skills. Not to mention the fact that you look like a model. My advice: believe in yourself and don't forget to pray. Put God in the center of your life always. He will show you the way. :)

  4. The first thought that came to my head was... just write. You can go anywhere, and still write a book, no matter where you live or where you go.

  5. Someone said to me once "You can be anything you want, but you can't be everything you want. I think you'd make a great journalist! You have such a personable ring to your writing. (If that makes any sense)

  6. You can be on some news anchor that has reporters all over the world...Not vogue, but Hey! you can travel!

    I'm going to be a Photographer who writes novels. I decided to let photography come first. Then writing. I'd simply LOVE to be an actress, or singer...but I don't see those happening, they will always be 'up in the sky' for me.

    Just don't be homeless. Please.

  7. I just began following your blog, and I can really relate to how your feeling.
    I just feel like I can do lots of things pretty well, but not one thing REALLY REALLY well. And I like to do lots of things, but picking ONE is kind of hard. Journalism is what I'm thinking about majoring in right now, too.

    However, I'm not a big city, travel around kinda girl. I'm more like your friend Sally...staying in place, having a solid, steady routine...I don't want things to be changing all the time. A little change is definitely good, I think, but to be ALWAYS changing? I think I would go crazy. :)

  8. You could write articles for Vogue on French film {that's vogue, travel, acting in some way and journalism} and incorporate your photography into the pieces and also have your head at the top, like the Teen Vogue bloggers do, and thus have some modelling.
    Or maybe not.
    In all seriousness, I feel you. Just for me it's more of a "I cannot cope with change" and the thought of having to forget all my rose-tinted dreams {a psychology major with a huge vintage & handmade shop on the side whilst novelling, writing for a magazine and indulging in photography} and realise they may not happen. You may just have to accept you're a drifter {c'mon, there must be a song you could sing along those lines} and embrace that.
    So, yeah, go study journalism. But do more than that--immerse yourself in it now. I write for a local paper; it's fun and it's easy! You've already got a photography business and self-published books...
    You're an amazing girl and even if you end up as a secretary or working in a shoe factory or other jobs nobody ever dreams of, I'm sure you'll make it work.

  9. aah, I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. I'm sort of wrapped up in my own decisions. They're smothering me :/
    Do go to school or not to go to school? The school is great, but its an hour and a half bus ride and I would be gone for ten hours a day. Yikes.
    Oh well, just do what your gut tells you and pray about it :)


  10. Ahhh... I can never chose either!

    I want to be a travel columnist/ journalist.

    I want to be a missionary to Nepal and live in the Himalayan mountains.

    I want to work in my favorite book store (they've already offered me a job so this dream is closer to becoming reality)

    I want to be a wife and mother.

    I want to be a photographer.

    I want to live in Austria.

    I want to be an author.

    I want to be a full-time musician: teaching, leading worship at church, and singing and playing piano.

    I want to be an actress... on Broadway!

    Anyway, Olivia, I feel your pain. *grins*

  11. Thanks for all your advice, everyone!

    Hannah: Yep, I do — a really nice public school, one of the best in the state.

    Hazelnut: I actually am a model. I don't do it full-time, though, and that's more what I was talking about.

    Libby: Ugh. Shoe factories. Can't stand 'em. Better to be homeless. :P

  12. Oh, poor Olivia. :( I understand what you mean by "my plans change every day"... I, for one, have absolutely no idea what I'd like to be! I enjoy writing and photography, and occasionally teaching strikes a flame...

    Anyway, you could be a model for Vogue + take your own pictures (as you do eversonicely) of fashion and the occasional nature, and write your own articles and/or slip some poems or short stories in there as well! There. Problem solved. ;)


  13. Don't worry! You're still only a freshman (a year older than me!). You've got a bunch of years to go still before choosing! Don't force yourself yet.

  14. by the way....she will never be homeless because as i clearly state, she can always have a place with me :)

  15. If you know what you really want to be then go for it. If you don't... dabbling is perfectly fine ;)

  16. wow! I am horrible at making decisions! Like seriously horrible! Last year I thought I was gonna be a writer. Now I'm leaning toward a photographer. But I keep saying Oh, well. I still got a while.
    I would love to travel too. I've always wanted to go to Alaska.
    And England.
    And Ireland.
    Can't forget Italy and Germany.
    Oh, ya and Brazil or Africa.

    I'm sure you'll be good at whatever you become because your a beautiful girl and I'm positive that God has a plan for you.
    Tessa Brooke.

  17. I think you'd be great at whatever you do; you have so many talents. I don't think you should worry about being homeless. XD And ha ha ha @ the "What if I smell bad?"

    I used to want to be a journalist for a newspaper but now after taking Newspaper I don't really think I do. I would love to work at a magazine, though, it seems more laid back and fun, and it incorporates lots of loves: writing, photography, design, etc. Whatever I become, I can always keep writing and taking pictures on the side, anyway.

    I don't like change but I like trying new things and going new places and meeting new people. Yeah, it really doesn't make sense. :P


  18. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about wondering what definite career you are wanting to have someday. You still have three more years before you're outta the house! Wait and see what God has planned for you...it could be either photography, modeling, acting, or maybe even several jobs. Ya never know. Open yourself up to God and express your feelings about careers. :)

  19. Oh, Olivia, you aren't alone at all. I'm terrible at making decisions. I have many talents and dreams, including writing, music, photography, and animals.
    Whenever I tell someone about how undecided I am, they bombard me with 'God will show you the way' or 'put God first and follow the path and you'll get where you need to go' or something along those lines. But to me, (ignore the fact that I'm an Agnostic for a moment) you are the only one who can make the path, and you have to make it on the way. No one can clear the area for you, it has to be all you.
    Take whatever advice you would like, but in the end, it comes down to imagination. Anything can happen, and that's the best part about life!

    Oh, how I dislike cities. I love to visit them, but I could never live in them. :D

  20. I think you should be a travel gypsy, that has a crew that goes with her everywhere to take pictures. You could have your laptop to be a writer for vogue then on the side you could write novels and keep writing on this blog :) but I ma not sure where photagrapher fits in but you are a talented girl.. you can fit it in somewhere :)


  21. I completely understand your struggle, Olivia. Everyone I know has always told me I have a writer's mind and a writer's hand, and I should devote myself to that. However, believe it or not, it was YOU who helped introduce me to what I am truly passionate about; Graphic design. I am now taking advanced classes on it, as well as several other designing programs. I'm likely getting a job next summer when I'm 16 as the advertising designer for a company.

    You can certainly succeed in whatever you do, Olivia... Look at what you've done already! Girl, your life, even just from a behind-the-screen viewpoint, seems fast paced and full of achievements. I admit, I sometimes get jealous of what you've already done in life. But the great thing is, you don't have to decide just now what passions to follow. Go where your path takes you... Where it ends up may just surprise you!

    Keep on dreaming and trying... You'll be good at whatever you do. :)

    (P.S., I've got to agree with Brooke... I'm a pine mountain girl myself.)

    Best of wishes,

  22. At least you have options. :) I have one thing I think I would enjoy and it's not something I can do right now, so I'm stuck doing stuff I don't enjoy. Continue to practice and improve your many talents in case the option does come up (and so you have something to fall back on if one falls through), but yeah you should probably focus the majority of your attention on one thing . . . like the journalism. Sorry I'm no help hehe.

  23. You've got so many talents, I'm sure you could do anything you want to. I'm about your age and I have no idea what I want to do!!

    Also I am impressed with the depth of your internet conversation. Mine are just along the lines of
    Me: hey
    Friend: hi
    Me: how's life?
    Friend: good.

    Actually that was a lie, I didn't mention the llamas and cheese.

    I'm sure you'll be fine!! :)

  24. When I was in second grade I found something I really love. Acting. I adore it, and from that day on I wanted to be an actress, I'm still going strong with that. Before that, I was also all over the place. In my opinion, when you find a job that stays around with you, then that's the job for you! I mean, you always need a back up plan, but still, that's your perfect job, the one that stays.

    Still Soaring,

  25. your blog is amazing... breathtaking imagery...I heart


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