17 June 2010

Craving Sunshine

It's been another one of "those days".
When your body, soul, and mind need a break.
But you can't give them one.
When you're soaked through with rain and wrung out with despair.
When all you want is a good sleep. A sleep for a thousand years...
When you are apologizing to everyone just to make things better but never meaning any of it.
When everyone seems to be against you.
And the littlest thing becomes a crisis.
When you feel like you need a day planner just to find time to write a five-minute post.
When no one will leave you alone long enough to get yourself together and keep going.
And when you pray long and hard but keep getting interrupted. When you wonder if maybe your telephone line to God keeps getting snipped.
When everything seems to come crashing down around you like raindrops.
When you wish you weren't so depressing and had something happy to write about...
...but you just can't find a ray of sunshine, however meager, that will pour through your fingers and onto the keyboard.

One of "those days".


{sorry that was so depressing. I really needed to get that off my chest. I will probably delete this post pretty soon... just wanted at least one person to read it.}
{Just so I don't feel so alone.}

28 comments:

  1. Girl, I know how you feel. My life has been like that, EXACTLY how you worded it, for oh-so-long. Some days, it's happy. And then I fall back, slip back, into that pit of mud, of rain, of thunder, of tears pouring down, never stopping. I cry myself to sleep too - issues that I can't write about because they're too personal, they're too close, they involve people who would read what I write.

    So don't feel alone, because I feel exactly how you feel. And don't delete the post...it's a testimony that you aren't all sunshine. We all have that sad part of ourselve, and if we don't ever share even part of that, or if we don't sometimes let people know that we're down, we'll appear fake. Because no-one is ALL sunshine, you know?

    And if you didn't post, I wouldn't have known to pray for you. I'll pray.

    Love you,
    Bekah

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  2. Thank you so much, Bekah. That is exactly what I needed right now. I feel fake a lot of the time... because that's what people around me expect, and if I appear withdrawn there's instantly a whole lot of attention on me, which is exactly what I don't want.

    I will be praying that your situation improves as well. It seems that I will be doing a lot of prayer tonight...

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  3. If you don't want to that's OK, but you have a phone, and I have a phone and I'll listen to you pour it all out at ANY time, ok?

    I spent a lot of days like that this past year. I regret just trying to push through them on my own. It's hard.

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  4. I've read it,
    I don't know exactly what you're going through, I'm praying for you.
    Love,
    igirl

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  5. Thank you, igirl and Cornet. Sorry I didn't see your comments in my Dashboard before.

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  6. Livie, dear, we all have those days. It's not so much that depression is embedded in our core, but at in that moment it seems like there isn't anything we can do. However, we can always look towards the Son who will never stop shining, and even if our day doesn't get better, cling to Him. It's hard to do though, and I struggle with it too. But after you feel that God-given peace...it makes it all worth it. Be praying for you, sweet friend! I know what it's like to feel as if I wore a mask of happiness, hiding behind false words and forced smiles and laughs. But after talking to my mom about it, and praying and refocusing my mind, I feel so much better. I still struggle, I still hurt, but with Jesus, I'm healed, no matter what may have scarred or stained me. And He heals everyone. Sweet Liv, don't feel as if you have to hide, hiding makes it worse--I'm a testimony to that--but think of the Tenth Avenue North Song, "Healing Begins" and let it out so that other believers can help build you up and pray for you. And you did just that. Those days stink--but even though they do, we've still got Him. And that's all that matters.

    Hope your tomorrow is a day filled with sunshine. <3
    --Hannah

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  7. I know how you feel, dear. We ALL have those day...thank God for always being there to see us through! Don't feel bad about posting about it...and don't delete it. That's why we're here. So you can get it off your chest.

    In Christ,
    --Brianna

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  8. I'm going through a lot of the rainy lately-- and if I let it out I feel like I'm letting people down, or shutting them out. Feeling like there's no more of the happy-go-lucky sunshine is so hard sometimes.

    I don't know what you're going through, but, like Bekah, I'm praying.

    --Melian

    PS: One thing that helped/is helping me through my hard time is the song Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North. Just thought I'd share.

    Oh, and I'm glad you're back!!

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  9. It's funny you said that Melian because I was going to suggest that she listen to hold my heart by tenth avenue north, and there is a way by NewWorldSon. I hadn't thought of Healing Begins.

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  10. Aww, hon, I know just how you feel! I've been there so many times it's not even funny. It's always an exhausting, draining place to be.

    I'm praying for you, dear heart! *hugs*

    (those are all great song suggestions... music is usually one of the only ways I can even begin to come out of a 'funk'.)
    ~Kimmy

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  11. Very well put. I am living that right now... if you wanna talk, just tell me. :)

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  12. I know how you feel, and I used to have a lot of those days... If you wanna relax and get everyone off of you, away from you, out of your head, curl up with a good book, and go into their world for a few minutes, read about their problems, forget your own. Whenever I have one of those days, I go and find a book, I go to my room, the couch, and in the summer, my backyard. Sometimes, a good book, is all you really need. That, and laughter, are what I think are the best medicine. Sometimes I write. That helps too. Go into the world of your character, leave your own, even if it is only for a short while. You will feel LOADS better.

    ~SofieRose

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  13. I sometimes feel like that too . . .

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  14. Oh My Gosh, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!

    It's been raining, cloudy and grey for two weeks now.

    It makes me want to cry, actually.

    So, I find your post encouraging, because I know I'm not alone!!!

    God Bless!

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  15. I have been crying myself to sleep for two days now, while a week ago I was perfectly happy and content. I feel like I am exauseted, I don't know how you handle this for any longer. I hope it helps you to know that we all go through these times, and soon it will get better and we will forget that it even happened. But while you are at it, the only thing you can do is hang on as tight as you can to God. If you need to, sleep through this, watch all bunch of movies, just keep living somehow and the answer will come! It always does!
    I don't know you, but I love your blog and will be praying for you as well!
    -Anastasia.

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  16. I don't know what your going through, but I DO know how you feel. I'm praying for you, Olivia!

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  17. Hey, Olive Tree.
    I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling down. That was a post that just made perspective crash down on my own life. When you feel like that, I'm not sure what to do except for just keep praying that the day will be over soon and tomorrow will be a better one.
    I hope it makes you a little better to hear that a) you can certainly craft those words amazingly well, b) that was an extremely inspiring post, and c) that you're an amazing photographer. AMAZING.

    Also -- you might have seen that my blog has a new look. I've entered into your "Former Glory" contest, and I realized I don't exactly want the makeover anymore. I decided to ask you if I could give the prize to someone else if I win, or if you wanted to just remove my entries.
    I'll leave it up to you. :)

    Hope you feel better soon, I really do. Good luck!
    ~Emma

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  18. Oh Olive Tree! You're back! Good to see/read you and your blogs again :)

    I'm sorry your feeling that way. I hate those days; especially when all you want is to spend time with your fur-children or outside alone but the house chores continue to grow. The days you could almost cry for a canary in a cage because you exactly how it feels.
    However, the sun is just behind a cloud. A cloud, that in comparison to the sun, is really nothing, even if its brief shadow causes you to shiver.

    I'm glad you're back :)
    <3 ~Gwyn

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  19. I was having one of those days today. I kept getting mad at myself, and was pretty grumpy even though at school we pretty much only signed yearbooks, watched movies, and played capture the flag. When I got home, I finished my book, and am now blissfully happy, and have already started on the 3rd out of 17 books I got from the library yesterday...

    ~SofieRose

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  20. I feel that way often. Lately it's been like that.

    ~*Sunstar*~

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  21. If you're so depressed it'll be better to do something to change it...It's important to have a good live so you should cheer up.
    If you have an opportunity it would be better for you to read "The secret", in this book which can be downloaded inthe net you can learn that if you are sad you will be recieved lots of things which makes you sad everyday that is why when you are deppressed the best you can do is cheer up the sooner the better.

    The last thing; I really enjoyed your blog and although I don't speak English very well because I'm Spanish I hope you understood what I wanted to explain...It's difficult to express theselves well in a Foreign Language, right? I'll try to read, and above all to understand, wat you write in your blog because I liked it.

    Best wishes,
    Mario

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  22. Trust me, I feel the same way... stupid rain. Why won't it just be sunny for once!? Grrr...

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  23. You're NEVER alone in that. I know exactly how you feel.

    I'll be praying for you!

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  24. Olive Tree, I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. We've all been through this at one point in our lives, and I'll always be here to help.

    Peace,
    [Laurea]

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  25. I know what you mean...it seems the last 5 or 6 months have been like that for me...and you just have to keep on going... :) Sunshine or rain...

    ~Awel P.

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  26. Oh Olive Tree, I'm sorry to hear that. :( I have those days too, or sometimes even weeks. I now how you feel, and I'm praying for you. And just so you know, we're all your friends on here. So count on us to cheer you up! :) You rock!! P.S. Theres a song called Concrete Angels by Martina McBride, its really good, so you should listen to it. Actually anyone can! :)

    With love,
    ♥Brightstar♥

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  27. I'm sorry to hear that, Olive! Ya know, Jesus is the perfect repair man for cut phone lines. ;) I can give you his number if you want. John3:16. Yeah, just give 'im a call. *wink*wink* No, seriously, I am praying for you! I'm sorry it's one of "those days". You're not alone, girl. :/ It's been one of "those months" for me. But, at least I have my handy repair man. ;)

    Love you,
    Eldarwen

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  28. I GOT OUT OF SCHOOL ON THE DAY U WROTE THIS!!!

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